Looking for something to do with your kids? Maybe some great recipes or crafts? How about home management, healthy and frugal living tips, or organization and work/life balance ideas?
Let me do the problem solvin' for you - click here to subscribe! _____________________________________________

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The mom who has it all - a myth?

photo by basykes

I followed a link to a blog last week that was about having it all - a fast paced career, family, friends, a lucrative home based business as a hobby...I'm sure it was all supposed to inspire me, but it left me thinking of the Wizard of Oz, "pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!"

As a working mom I read a lot of articles about work/life balance and how families make it work when both parents have a career (be it at home or outside the home). Often times it's with a lot of give and take from each family member, and many times with help from others. It is a delicate balance to strike, full of making choices about what is most important and prioritizing.

Peddling the "I have it all and you can too" facade is demoralizing and unfair - we each have enough self conscious moments as it is, without trying to measure up to an unrealistic ideal. What does "HAVING IT ALL" mean anyway? What is the cost to each individual endeavor if we try to do too much?

What does "IT" for you? For me, that was the key - identifying what was most important in my life, and prioritizing those things above all the other things, big and little, that can fill up my time if I'm not careful. I really like SimpleMom's post on this subject. Staying centered, focusing on what is most precious, and not over committing really helps me. I try and regularly re-evaluate things, especially if I'm getting worn out or stressed.

I'd love to hear your tips and suggestions for finding balance in life. Stay at home mom, work at home mom or work outside the home mom (or dad for that matter!) what works for you? What do you think about the idea of having it all?

Stumble Upon Toolbar


Kimber said...

Actually I work outside the home, I'm a health care professional and we do 12 hour shifts which means we only work 3 days per week. I'm also a divorced mom. I work weekend and Tuesday nights. I never have to have a sitter as these are the nights the boys spend having visitation with their dad. It works out extremely well and I never miss any important events, plus I'm available during the day when they need me most.

Kimber said...

Oh, and thanks for visiting my blog!! I'll be following yours.

Marva said...

Great post! You keep me a thinkin'!

While I do work outside of the home 3-4 months out of the year, i am so thankful that I do not have to the other months. I love being home and seeing what I wlould otherwise miss out on.

I am so blessed to have the best of both worlds.

Don't miss understand me here......

I do have it all, because I am happy where I am and I have the Lord as my Savior.

I don't have all the material things but I have my family and I get to take care of my boys.


Marva said...

Sorry for the misspellings and the bad grammar........my eyes are still hurting this morning.


Jill Marie said...

My mom was a working mom in the seventies and eighties. I love her for sacrificing and giving up so much for our family. Yet, I grew up feeling like I missed out on something.

Mom always seemed so tired and kind of sad. She spent so much of her life giving to our dad and us. I feel bad now for the life I know she lived, the things she missed out on for us.

I feel bad that she never really got to live her own life until us kids were grown and my father died. She was 63 years old before she finally got to the point where she was able to really LIVE her life.

Your post got me to thinking, what a wonderful thing and thank you. It's such a shame that we never appreciate our parents as much as we should "in the moment". How much time did I spend wasted being mad at my mom as a teen and not appreciating her as much as I should have?

Thanks for the reminder to take some time to spend with my mom and just enjoy it and let her know how much I love and appreciate her.


Mommy2Twinkies-Deb said...

Steph, this is a very timely subject, especially with Thanksgiving coming up. Even though we may not be able to "have it all" --which is impossible, we have to pause and be thankful for what we have. Before I had the twins, I never in my life thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom. Now I consider myself so lucky that I can--but I miss working! I was just talking to my friend about that. But we really are just so lucky to be able to do this. (My husband hates that I say I'm lucky because he doesn't think it's luck, but that he has worked hard!) I just thank God for my Blessings!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

Fantastic post! I struggle with balancing things even as a SAHM. Like you said, the key for me is in not overcommiting.

As far as "having it all" - I do think it's a myth and can create such frustration for so many. We aren't ever going to truly have it all anyway, not this side of heaven.

Anonymous said...

i don't know.

a lucrative hobby sounds stressful.

i actually had more fun with my photography before I got paid for it.

HeatherPride said...

I don't know, I'm up to my ears in "all" and I'm thinking I'd like a little bit "less"! Hmmm, maybe that will be a future blog post for me: Having it Less

I have figured out that "ALL" = work/stress/skewed priorities + a big pain in the rear!

Monica said...

I think evaluating and re-evaluating over time what is important to you is key. You may read someone's having it all together ideas. Yet, do they do such and such instead of play with their kids, is their house a disorganized mess, do they take time out for themselves, spend time with friends? Being very cautious of these sorts is my motto, because is it really possible, or they living honestly? I am not judging, I'm just saying...... lots and lots to be considered.

Mom2Girls said...

Great post!! I am a work outside the home momma and there is always something to do. So basically I have come to terms with the fact that I will never have a perfect house, laundry all clean at the same time, etc. but I do prioritize and don't miss out on certin things that I know are important to the kiddos. I try to spend most of there awake time with doing things with them. I also give myself down time everynight. I used to stress about the house and getting everything done...not anymore, I guess it's all part of "not having it all" and I am good with that.

Kameron said...

I struggle with the same things. My hubby and I both work 40 hour weeks. Finding time for each other and quality time with our boy is a major priority. Like you said, we just try not to over extend ourselves. I don't make a ton of commitments and try to work on only a few hobbies at a time. Sometimes it takes me a while to finish things, but I am happier for it. I plan all of my friend get-togethers on week nights after my boy has gone to sleep, so I can incorporate time with my friends into my life too!