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Friday, July 18, 2008

Ask the problem solving mom - Romance

One of the things I would like to do on this blog is bring up questions my friends have posed to me along with my comments. I would love it if you would add your feedback and suggestions as well! Here goes with the first question...from one of my coworkers:

Q: My wife is (always) complaining lately that I'm not as romantic as I used to be. We both work full time, and our lives are hectic between work and taking care of our house and baby daughter. I am thinking of planning something big for our upcoming 5th wedding anniversary in order to make her happy and bring back the romance she's missing in her life lately. I can arrange babysitting for our daughter, but we don't really have the money for an extended romantic vacation (such as a second honeymoon). What else would you suggest that might do the trick?

A: It's so easy with little ones at home to get caught up in the daily role of Mommy and Daddy and overlook the loving bond you have as Husband and Wife. I can understand your desire to plan something big for your anniversary, and I'm sure your wife would love that! Chances are, though, that she will still feel the desire for more regular romance in her life. Here are some things that could add more romance to your daily lives:

  • Bring back dating - this can be as elaborate or as simple as you want, as time allows. Before we had Sweetpea, date nights with my husband were usually a weekly event and generally included dinner at a restaurant or a picnic at a nearby park. Now it's more challenging to schedule time alone, so instead we have drinks in the living room after Sweetpea is in bed or a popsicle on the porch swing during nap time. The most important thing is that we plan for it and consciously schedule time for ourselves as a couple.
  • Slip a note into her purse or lunch bag, or send her an unexpected email or text message. I love getting emails or texts from my husband during the day - a quick reminder that he is thinking of me, regardless of whether he's being romantic or telling me a funny story about his day.
  • Make her coffee or do some other mundane task that she usually does for herself in the mornings - Emdee makes my coffee for me every night, and each morning I am so grateful for not having to muddle through the process before my first dose of caffeine. I am especially grateful for these small gestures when we are grumpy with one another, as it reminds me that even though we disagree we still love each other dearly.
  • Come up with a code word for "I love you" that only the two of you (or the immediate family members) know. This sounds corny, but somehow we came up with a codeword and I love it...we leave notes for each other with our code word around the house. We hide them for each other when one of us is going out of town.
  • Always kiss goodbye

What suggestions do you have for my friend? Do you think a big anniversary celebration will rekindle the romance my friend is missing, or would smaller more routine gestures do the trick?

Thanks for your suggestions,

The Problem Solvin' Mom

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1 comment:

Leanne said...

I prefer the smaller everyday things, especially since my daughter came along. Grand gestures are all well and good but I would imagine they both work full time because the ends just wouldn't meet on one salary. If my husband were to blow the equivalent of a weeks salary on a meal at a restaurant I'd be a bit miffed about it, I'd much rather he cooked for me. Also if she's working full time and he can manage to get away from work a bit earlier than usual, pick up the baby and tell her dinner's sorted, even if it's just a salad or takeout.

And thank her for everything, don't make a huge deal of it, just say thanks, dinner was lovely.

Oh and tell her she looks nice.