What not to say to your pregnant coworker...

Today is the last day in the office for many of my friends who are being laid off in the first round of cutbacks that will eventually result in the closure of our facility. I'm not feeling very funny today, so I'd like to give a big thanks to CBeth for helping me come up with today's Friday Funny...what not to say to your pregnant coworker! Given that I work in the male dominated field of engineering, I have a laundry list of one liners that I imagine will make you cringe...not only are some of these guys single and/or without children, some of them aren't the most socially adept in the first place {{ahem}}. Here are a few of my "favorites" from this pregnancy and my pregnancy with Sweetpea.

*Are you SURE that you're not having twins? Really?*

*Wow Steph, are you going to fit through my door much longer?*

*You're really starting to waddle!*

*Don't worry, if you go into labor here I can deliver the baby, I used to be an EMT, you know*
{{This guy was creepy and I didn't even know him - no way this is going to happen, buddy!}}

*So you had a rough first few months, huh? I could tell you felt like crap!*
{{gee, thanks!}}

*You're coming along...nicely*

*So are you freaked out that you're pregnant and about to lose your job? What are you going to do?*

*multiple horror stories regarding their wives giving birth, including one whose wife broke her pelvis during delivery - yikes!*

Isn't it funny how people seem to come up and just say anything to a pregnant woman? What funny stories do you have along these lines? I'd love to hear them, I could us a laugh today!

Maybe we aren't so predictable after all

We are on a family cell plan with my extended family, which is a great bargain for us. When we set up our account, we had to consider the habits of a wide variety of cell phone users - from my grandparents to my little brother. My brother is a big texter, so we got unlimited text messages, which applies to everyone. Since then, the rest of us have started texting much more often than I ever imagined.

Even my mom sends lots of text messages - she loves the predictive text feature, but she rarely has her glasses on when she's texting. I'll get messages like this one:

OK with of. Remember i want to in to bare minerals. He you foot hear from of again it because i an home and may lose reception again.

It's like a secret message that I have to decode by looking at what other letters are available on the keys she used...This one should have said:

OK with me. Remember i want to go to bare minerals. If you dont hear from me again it is because I am home and may lose reception again.

What I find most funny about these messages is that if I ever have the slightest typo here on the blog or in a text message my mom teases me. She is a stickler for correct grammar and spelling, which I have to admit was very helpful to me in school...in this one case, though, she totally falls apart. I guess her phone just isn't that good at predicting what she really wants to say!

Happy Friday, everyone! While you're here, won't you click over and enter the great Story Time Felt giveaway I have going on at Problem Solvin Mom Recommends? I think you'll love it!

Friday funnies - gridlock edition

This was my view for about an hour this morning…luckily, it was a beautiful morning to chill out in the car with my sunroof open and the radio on. And it was jeans day at work, so I was all casually comfy sitting there. Speaking of my sunroof...

I was complaining to my coworker on the way back from lunch yesterday that I hadn’t been using my sunroof much lately (for reasons other than that the weather hadn’t been cooperating) because it wasn’t closing right for me. We bought my car used, and after comparing the sunroof controls to its “twin” that my husband drives (yes, we have two nearly identical cars) realized that the sunroof on my “new” car was aftermarket. Of course there weren’t any instructions for the sunroof in the car when we purchased it.

Up until a few months ago, whenever I would turn the car off, the sunroof would automatically close. Then one day it just didn’t. I hadn’t done anything differently, and I had no idea how to get it back. The only reason that I wanted it to close automatically was that I had no idea how to correctly close it! The control box has two arrow buttons, one pointing to the back and one to the front of the car. Generally that moved your window back (open) and forward (closed) but if you kept the forward button depressed for too long, it went from closed to tilted up – where was the pause to let me know it was closed?!? The first time this happened there I was with the driver door open, pushing the button and popping out of the car to check if the window was flush. That was probably funny to anyone watching me, but not so funny as the operator!

There are three other small buttons above the forward and back buttons, at first glance they are 1, 2, and 3. As I was telling my friend that I assumed they were programming buttons but that I had no idea how to program them, she looked more closely and said, “they are actually 1, 2 and C” Then my friend said, “I bet C stands for close” and she pushed it…the window closed! My friend is a GENIUS! Either that, or the problem solvin’ mom has been totally off her game for awhile now…at least when it comes to aftermarket sunroof operation.

Happy Friday!

Friday funnies, "big sister" style

So I was looking for a "big sister" shirt to buy for Sweetpea...am I the only one that totally cracks up at this picture?!? {{giggles}}

Happy Friday! :)

Friday Funnies - Welcome to 2009!

I was super excited to score some of the wrap around sunglasses for toddlers on clearance for $1 while on a business trip to Texas a little over a year ago. They were going to be perfect for our trips to Florida this year! (know that feeling?) Funny thing is, when the trips came around, they didn't stay on Sweetpea's face for longer than 30 seconds at a time...too interesting and yummy looking, they had to be pulled off and investigated, chewed on and discarded. At the time I consoled myself with the fact that they were only a dollar.

Little did I understand that the appropriate season for wrap around sunglasses was late December...perfectly paired with winter pj's and a favorite new hat:And, of course, an enthusiastic grin...
Perhaps a nonchalant tilt to your glasses and a toothy smile? (with a little leftover dinner on your cheek? oops!)
And even the occasional bumblebee pacifier for good measure. At least now I know!
And I can confidently say we have now gotten our $1's worth!

Happy Friday, everyone!

Friday Funny Fieldtrip

For today's Friday Funnies, stop over and check out my guest post at Hope 4 Peyton.

The funniest part will be if you stick around for some of Anissa's other posts - she keeps me in stitches for sure. Happy Friday, everyone!

Friday Funnies - A What The? Moment and Flashback

With the perpetual stuffiness and hacking going on at our house, sleep is more precious and elusive than normal...so today's funny is pic heavy because I'm low on creativity. Let's start with an oh my goodness what where we thinking moment Sweetpea and I had yesterday morning. I hate to even admit this Christmas decor is in my neighborhood...
Can you see the stake in the yard there?

Now on to the adorable flashback portion of the Friday Funnies - In preparation for this year's Christmas photo shoot, I was looking back at last year's pictures. Here is a series of Sweetpea warming up to the camera.

Hmm...exactly what am I supposed to be doing here, mama? Just sitting like this?
Okay, I can get into this - it's kinda fun...check out these great feet I have down here!
Oh yeah, life is good, work it, baby!
Um, whatcha thinkin here, sweetheart? Cause if you're hungry, I can get you some milk, trust me this camera isn't too tasty!

Happy Friday, everyone!

Friday Funnies - The Great Waterbed Disaster

These days I prefer this kind of water

I think it's finally been long enough that I can blog about this fateful night without cringing too much. Even as I was going through it, I knew it would be funny some day...

Flash back to July 4th of this year, EmDee had already headed out to Florida for our vacation, and somehow amidst all the booming fireworks I had gotten Sweetpea to sleep. Now it was time for me to start packing...I headed into big T's room to grab a suitcase and noticed a teeny tiny little wet spot on the carpet - right next to the corner of his (water)bed. I leaned in closer and discovered we had a BIG, HUGE problem. This wasn't just a little leak. The carpet was wet around the entire perimeter of the bed. Did I mention that EmDee had already left town? That it was Friday night, the 4th of July? {{shudders}}

I had a fill kit for the waterbed, but the package said there was such a thing as a drain kit, which I didn't have. The waterbed was EmDee's and he had emptied it when we moved, so I was totally clueless and beginning to panic. It was after 9pm, and my sweet mother went out on a hopeless quest to find a drain kit for me.

I called a coworker in hopes of getting the phone number to a mutual plumber friend of ours. Shockingly this virtual walking phonebook didn't have the digits I was looking for, but he sweetly offered to help this desperate damsel in distress...{{which I'm sure he regrets to this day}}

Backtracking just a bit, I had unplugged the heater to the waterbed immediately after discovering the leak. Soon after hanging up the phone with word that my friend was coming over to literally help bail me out, I smelled smoke. {{faints}} I looked for sources of the burning smell and found none. Knowing there was wiring in the wall next to the waterbed, and that it was likely that water had made its way into the heating vent, I decided to call 911. My sweet daughter was sleeping in the room next door, I didn't know what was wrong, and I wasn't willing to risk not calling. In my head I was thinking "I never realized I would be more embarrassed than panicked to make this call".

I went and woke Sweetpea and we left the house to wait for the firemen. She clapped every time a burst of color lit up the sky - it really was beautiful with the fireworks surrounding us - and all I wanted to do was cry.

The fire truck showed up just before my friend, who was nice enough to sucker another coworker into helping - Sweetpea thought this was the best night EVER - fireworks and a firetruck! In a few minutes, the firemen said all was clear, that they couldn't find anything wrong and it must have been the heater that had been unplugged for over an hour...that still makes no sense to me, which is bothersome as an engineer, but they must have been right.

Once the very nice firemen left, the real work began - emptying the waterbed. It took roughly four hours, hundreds of trips to empty the shop vac {{we ended up finding that sucking the water out with a shop vac while pushing on the bladder from the inside was the most efficient way to remove the massive amount of water}} and one very precarious trip out the front door with an overflowing trashcan full of waterbed mattress on a dolly. There was a lot of pushing on the bladder, sitting on the bladder, sticking things into the frame to help the water empty more quickly. At one point, the base broke into two pieces from the water and the weight. Doesn't that sound fun? I'm thinking there was a reason these things went out of style some time ago.

I will never be able to thank my sweet coworkers enough for their help into the wee hours on the fourth of July. Because of them, I was able to rest easy that my home wasn't under water when we left for vacation the following day. Because of them I was able to get some sleep that night, albeit not much. As a humble showing of my never ending gratitude, I made rice krispie treats with rainbow sprinkles - what do you think, are we even?!

I only hope I am as good a friend as Tom and Al showed themselves to be that night.

Thanks Tom & Al, I am forever grateful!!!!!!

Happy Friday, everybody!

Friday Funnies - details or big picture thinker?

photo by krossbow

I was at an ice cream and sandwich shop the other day for a late lunch when an older gentleman came up to me and said, "Hey, what do they make in that blue building at the corner down the street?" Kind of a random question, and it took me totally off guard. I had to ask him a second time what he said, just to be sure. It was already 1:30pm and I was a bit zoned out from hunger!

"You know, they knocked down the brick building that was attached to it already, what do they make in that blue building that is still standing?"

"Oh, that is company XYZ's thermal plant, I think they make HVAC units but I'm not positive. There is an engineering center there, too, for airbags."

"Airbags like the things that go off in cars, huh? How much do they pay?"

Not knowing what kind of job this guy was looking for, or why in the world he was asking me these questions, I tried giving him a vague answer

...luckily my to go order came up at that same time...

"I don't know how much they pay, but not as much as they used too, like a lot of places"

He thought that was funny and repeated me, "not as much as they used to - that's funny"

Hmmm...what I thought was funny, as I took my food and drove back to work, was that I have worked in a building for nine years and not realized it was blue! I guess I'm more of a big picture thinker, and not so much a details person, huh?

Friday Funnies - Spooky edition

I like to think of myself as a safe driver. Does everyone think of themselves as a safe driver? I had a friend in college who finally admitted (after a few drinks) what had caused her recent car accident – a fly! I thought this was hilarious at the time.

The other day I was driving home minding the road when I saw something out of the corner of my eye…thinking nothing of it, I continued to drive through the construction of the major highway I take to and from work each day. Then that “something” started to creep toward my hand! I took a quick side long glance and tried unsuccessfully to squelch a shudder – there was a wolf spider strolling along my driver door panel {{gasp}}!

At this point the gears are turning double time in my head, I’m trying to keep my eyes on the road and steel quick glances toward said spider to make sure he isn’t about to jump on me. In my mind I’m wondering, “how many people wreck for just this reason each year, this is nuts!”

I roll down the window, but this spider has some grip. (okay, duh, I should know that from Spiderman, right?) He says glued in place. I open the sunroof to try and increase the circulation.

Did I mention I’m driving through a construction zone? With lots of twists, turns, and lane merges? Yeah – big fun.

The increased circulation does nothing for my little buddy, but it tears a coupon loose that had been stuck under my sun visor. Coupon goes fluttering to the back seat. Spider stays stuck to door panel.

I grab a random receipt and start planning how this flimsy piece of paper is going to scrape Mr. Spider off the door and out into the wild blue yonder.

OH NO! WHEREDIDSPIDEYGO?? Certainly he didn’t just get tired on me. I nudge the window up a bit, and there he is, now scaling my window…oh that is so much better!

I close the sunroof, mentally preparing for my scrape strategy, when, all of a sudden, he flies out the window. Whew! {{faints}}

Friday Funnies - Quirky Much?

*Updated* A la Octamom, I kept thinking of quirky traits after having trouble getting started with my list! I've added 2 more at the bottom... (9 total) {{gasp}}

I got tagged for a Quirkiness MeMe by Christina from Life in a Hampton Zoo and Marva from Blessed Frugalness Times Two with Twins and Ohana Mama. I love these blogs, and have really enjoyed reading everyone's quirky habits! Since this has the potential to be either funny or incredibly boring, I thought it would make a good post for Friday Funnies...you'll have to get back to me (when you wake up) if that was a bad idea!


1. I have a million and one nicknames for my daughter. I try to be more consistent now that she's starting to understand me, but I struggle with it. This is something my Dad did growing up, so it's my most sentimental quirky habit.


2. Along those same lines, when I'm talking about someone random, I call them "Ed". My husband does this and it totally wore off on me. It gets particularly confusing when I am talking to my coworker whose husband's name is Ed... I can tell this one needs an example. If the guy next to me on the highway is drifting into my lane on my way to work, I'll say, "Hey Ed, get in your lane!" Sounds nicer than bozo, right?


3. I actively seek out opportunities to support girls, through my engineering sorority, Rosie's Girls, Talking to girls about math and science, etc. I think it's important, and it's something I'm truly passionate about, and yet, I have this strange obsession with The Girls Next Door. (Mom, don't click on this at work!) Hugh's girls are not doing much if anything to empower women, and I totally disagree with everything about the situation. I started watching when I was on maternity leave and up in the middle of the night nursing. There would be nothing else on. I would see it as I was channel surfing...it's kind of like watching a train wreck. EmDee thought for sure I would hate it, and there are some episodes I just can't watch, but for the most part - kind of endearing. Who knew?! I feel I should throw this disclaimer in - I don't watch it anymore unless I can't sleep and Jon & Kate + 8 isn't on!


4. I can't stand letting my fingernails get long - I much prefer them cut short. This may have to do with the fact that I don't have very strong nails and if they get too long they tend to break or snag. When I see my hands in pictures I always think, "check out those man hands!"


5. I have a 5 minute or less makeup rule, but a huge collection of makeup. I think it's my innate love of sleep that drives me to be so streamlined in the mornings. It was this desire for efficiency that lead me to my love affair with Bare Minerals, and to my Fairly Light foundation I will always be true. This doesn't keep me from a drawer full of lip and eye products, however...thankfully, ELF supports my habit quite frugally with their fabulous $1 products!


6. I love to eat what most people consider lunch or dinner food for breakfast. I didn't think this was quirky until my coworkers started kidding me about it. My favorite option? Cold leftover chinese takeout. Other good choices? Cold pizza, cold corn on the cob, slices of bell pepper and celery. This does not seem as strange to me as the breakfast I got served when I went to the cafeteria on a business trip to our S. Korean office - kim chee and hot soup with half a fish floating in it...I just couldn't taste the soup with that little guy (or girl) staring back at me! And kim chee? Love the stuff, but not before noon. That morning I settled for black beans and rice.


7. I love tonic water. It's even better with a little vodka, but for the past 2+ years I've been drinking it mostly with just a slice of lime. Aaaaaah, now that's refreshing!

**updated**
8. When using bar soap, I have to clean it off and make sure there aren't any bubbles on it when I'm done.

9. I love to watch The Food Network while I'm eating dinner...

Now for the rules...

I am usually where tags go to die, but I'm going to go ahead and pass this one along. Admittedly, I'm still breaking the rules. If any of you fun ladies have time for this, I'd love to hear your quirky habits!

Jen
Kelsey
T
Steph
Heather
Happy Friday, have a great weekend!!

Friday Funnies - slightly rambling but I do get to my point edition

As you have probably heard me mention a few times this week, we had a crazy unusual wind storm Sunday courtesy of hurricane Ike. After some initial repositioning of loose deck furniture, we hunkered down and marveled at the true “force of nature” that we were witnessing. Lucky for us, we didn’t lose power until later that night. After the winds had blown past us and things were settling down, we decided to take a drive and survey the extent of the damage. We knew the power outages were significant, because everyone in our family was without power, and EmDee’s family is an hour and a half away from us!

So off we went, on a little adventure to see what wreckage Ike had left behind. Right off the bat, there were several large trees down in neighboring yards, and one unlucky resident of our street had significant roof damage where a tree had fallen into their home. The golf course just north of us had limbs everywhere and a large section of tree now occupying one of the main water hazards. A church further down the road had a tree leaning into it, but did not seem to have structural damage. All of the traffic signals were out. All of the gas stations and businesses were without power. Two “drive thru” stores were operational on a cash and carry basis with significant lines – both were sold out of ice.

Finished with our little loop through town, we headed home. We took a detour through some neighborhoods and as we came back to the main drag in the middle of town, there he was – are you ready for this?

Are you sure you’re ready for this?

We were at a stop sign. Immediately, EmDee and I both looked at each other and cried, “Where’s the camera?” Sadly, dear readers, I had forgotten it at home, and I DO mean sadly. Down the street came an older man…on a UNICYCLE, cigarette in one hand, and a bag of supplies from the cash and carry down the street in the other hand. I can’t make this stuff up! Can you imagine him waiting in that crazy long line, trying to balance, on a UNICYCLE?

Tuesday on my way back home I saw the guy again. I’ve done my best to Photoshop the scene back together for you, but of course it isn't quite the same. I took the photo(s) with my cell phone, so they are a bit grainy.


Happy Friday, everyone!

Friday Funnies

I've always loved those "today we salute you" commercials, you know the ones I'm talking about? If not, check them out here. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Okay, now that you've gotten a good laugh from some people way funnier than me, it's confession time. I have a longish commute to work, through some crazy traffic. To entertain myself and keep from getting overly annoyed with people, I often make up names for the more obnoxious drivers I'm forced to share the road with. I thought I'd share, in case this kind of "therapy" would be beneficial to you!

Maybe they aren't super funny and they don't rhyme, but they help lighten up my mood. Here are two from this week.

Here's to you, Mr. Daredevil Motorcycle Driver! You don't need no stinkin' helmet, even though you're going 70mph weaving in and out of traffic. (don't need no stinkin' helmet!) Come right on up to my bumper, why don't you clean it off for me while you're up there? (can I get a wet rag) Just make sure when this construction traffic comes to a screeching halt that you don't get your wheel stuck in my open sunroof! Here's to you Mr. Daredevil Motorcycle Driver!

Here's to you, Miss Crazy-Reckless Lexus Driver! Those lines on the road are just suggestions to someone as important as you. (can't you see that I'm important) Drop your crackberry? No problem, lean over and pick that puppy up, we'll move. (no need to pay attention!) With that fine piece of machinery you're driving, I'm sure you'll be safe even if you do take out everyone in your general vicinity. (check out my fine set of wheels, don't you wish you had one?) Here's to you Miss Crazy-Reckless Lexus Driver!

Friday Funnies

So I ran this photo past some of the engineers I work with, and many of them didn't find anything wrong with this picture...I guess that shouldn't surprise me?! Anyway, I was pumping gas yesterday next to this guy, and bless his heart he was cracking me up with those black socks pulled up as far as they would go and the black dress shoes with the knit shorts. Normally I would link this to Fight the Frump at Fussypant's guide to life, but I think Allie's too busy with all that is going on this week to post that segment. Have you come across any funny fashion statements this week? If so, I'd love to hear them!

As a follow up to last week's funny signs post, I passed this sign at our local golf course (a popular spot for parties, weddings and the like)

Welcome

Close/Call Wedding

I'm thinking if that was me, I'd have chosen instead to declare

Congratulations

Mr. & Mrs. Call

Have a wonderful weekend, all!

Friday Funnies

Do you ever pass a sign and think the proprietor ALMOST got it right, but not quite? Or see a sign that is TOTALLY wrong, providing you with a good laugh?

I was driving home last night past an SUV with what seems like the requisite kiddo bumper sticker these days…you know the one I mean with the activity icon along with the team and child’s name? This one looked something like this:

Does that mean the dancers are “All That”? If not, wouldn’t it have been more fun to call a dance studio, “All That Jazz”? Maybe it’s just me.

Anyway, this sticker got me thinking about other signs, one that you really wonder - What were they thinking?!?

For example, we've driven past signs on vacation that say

EAT HERE, GET GAS

And the unfortunate sign malfunction we had locally that went from:

Now Hiring Closers

to

Now Hiring losers

and stayed that way for weeks!

And my personal favorite (can you tell?)

What funny signs do you have in your area? Have a happy Friday and a great weekend, thanks for stopping by for some Friday Funnies!

What's in your makeup bag?

Photo By Annia316

What kind of makeup artist are you? Do you like to use the best of materials? Do you stick with your tried and true products that you know won't let you down, or are you adventurous, eager to try the Next Big Thing?

*disclaimer* I don't wear makeup very often, really. I rarely wear it to work, and if I do, its generally because I have a big meeting or presentation, or a big blemish! On the other hand, I do LOVE makeup, and in my pre-baby life that love affair was what you might call hot and heavy. With Sweetpea my focus has shifted, but I still enjoy beauty products and makeup, just not as often as I used to. My habits are still the same, it's kind of like riding a bike, apparently!

I'm a bit of a multiple personality when it comes to makeup. I buy the expensive and the very cheap. I try new beauty products when I see them in the yearly Self roundup, or when I find a good deal on something that catches my eye...otherwise I stick with the tried and true.

I am a huge Bare Minerals fan when it comes to foundation. I love that it's natural, that it covers well but is still sheer, and if I'm lazy and don't want to take it off at the end of the day (read-nearly always) it's not going to ruin my complexion. This is likely the most expensive item in my makeup bag and I will never stray from it, people!

When it comes to blush, I used to have a favorite L'Oreal product that I still use on occasion. Lately, since it came in my Bare Minerals starter kit I've been using their "warmth" product when I want a little color. I can see myself going back and forth between these two products in the future. They are both on the expensive side when compared to some of the blushers that are out there, and I'm okay with that. They both look nice, and there is not much that looks worse than unnaturally pink cheeks on an otherwise lovely face.

Eyeshadow is my guilty pleasure. I love trying new shades, and thankfully I found ELF where I can pick and choose from a wide variety of shades and types, all for $1! While I'm not a fan of everything they sell, I am a huge proponent of their eye shadows and lipsticks. I probably have 6-8 different color pallets from ELF in my bathroom drawer, and another 2 in my makeup bag. It's all about subtlety still, so while I love to try new colors, I stay true to my method (neutrals, light/dark/lighter) regardless of the shade I try.

I use mascara only when we are going out somewhere fancy (or to a bar, for some reason?) and I use Covergirl waterproof LashExact in BlackBrown. I really like the definition and lack of clumping. As an aside I can only use mascara on my upper lashes. I don't know how anyone can put mascara on their lower lashes without looking like a raccoon?

I'm more of a gloss girl than a lipstick girl, but I do love trying out lip products. Again, I stick with ELF and love their lip products, especially for the price! They have a plumping lip glaze that is all minty and tingly and wonderful...and I buy their therapeutic conditioning balm like it's going out of style.

Nail polish is all about the toes for me. For that reason I'm more about the bright colors, but for the rare occasion I'm going to paint my FINGERnails, I keep some pale colors around as well. I like Zoya and ELF best because they are free of a lot of the chemicals you'll find in other products. After reading Twithhoney's blog about water based nail polish I'm interested in trying that out.

So to recap, here's what's in my bag:

Bareminerals Fairly Light

Bareminerals Warmth

ELF eyeshadow in Nouveau Neutrals and Luxe

ELF Therapeutic conditioning lip balm in Orange Creme

ELF plumping lip glaze in Mauveberry and Plum Pout

What's in your makeup bag? What's your makeup "personality"? I'd love to hear what's working for you!